♥ Ena ♥

Hi everyone!

2011-08-02T19:54:00.003+08:00

This blog is pretty much dead LOL.

But you guys can go over to my Wordpress, which I blog in nowadays. This dead blog represents a closed chapter of my life :)

My Wordpress :)

I look different now, I live in a different state now, and yes, I'm so much better emotionally :)

Looking back, I feel so dumb being so emo about him. LOL. I'm in Sunway now and life is amazing :)

So peace out guys, hope to see you in Wordpress :)

HERE

2011-03-18T22:59:00.000+08:00

enaliew.wordpress.com

2011-01-25T05:01:00.000+08:00

Hmmm.

Am I actually letting go now? I stil think of him. But less. I still care about him. But everytime I block out my thoughts. Am I happier now? I don't know.

Was just flipping through my diary when I found a page I wrote about how much i loved him and how happy we were. OUCH TO THE MAX.

Those last few months, as I grew more demanding, he grew more distant, and we were both unhappy. I guess he just didn't wana stick around long enough to fix it.

Dedicated to my Friends:

2011-01-21T21:53:00.004+08:00

I know you guys have been worried about me lately. I've been worried about myself too. Thanks for all your support, even though some of you have been harsh for my own good.

I hope that all of you can support me right now. I don't mean like helping me on some wild goose chase for him. I mean just not pushing me or scolding me. Because I'm not blind, or stupid or crazy. I know he doesn't love me anymore. I know he doesn't care. I know he's moved on.

I know that even if he gives me a chance, it won't be the same already. I'm so insecure now. I'll be worried everything I say or do will make him leave. I suck as a girlfriend. I know. Unless we both try hard, it won't work. I'm scared as hell already.

And I know he's not trying.

I know some of you guys must think I'm stupid, he's out there having fun while I'm blogging emo about him. Yes, it's stupid. But right now, I still love him. I'm adjusting to life without him. Sometimes this aching sense of loss accompanies. So please, don't ask me to move on or let go, because I'm trying my hardest already. I'm crying inside all the time.

It may be hard to let things go, no matter how hard you try. Instead, learn how to live with it. Try to understand the way that things are.

He told me harsh things like get a life and leave him alone. He doesn't feel a thing at all even after thinking all the memories. He don't love me even a bit and he won't want the old gf back. He said the past is the past, and farewell. And shut up. So I left him alone.

I regretted how I treat him. I regret not making him happy. I regret that I make him hate me till he can't stand even the thought or sight of me. Because of my own selfishness, insecurity and drama, and my princess complex, I drove away someone who loved me.

I know I can do nothing and change nothing. So yeah. :( Hope you guys can stand by my side. Talking about it helps a lot.

Life so far.

2011-01-19T23:27:00.001+08:00

Life so far.. Has sorta lost its colour. Work makes me think so much of you.

The same things don't excite me anymore. Shopping? For what. Clothes? Not so fun anymore. All I feel is this huge gaping hole.. this aching loss.

I wish I could tell you how I felt, but I'm wiser now. I know telling you will just provoke some anger. I am going to leave you alone.

I called him last week. Funny huh? What the human brain can think up. We haven't contacted in 3 weeks. So I thought maybe he'd cooled down. I convinced myself that. LOL. Made him blow up. I guess hearing my voice made him lose it all over again.

But for me, hearing his voice felt like a thirsty person finally getting a drink of water.

I think that, you still care, just that. It won't be the same anymore. You can't let go of what happened. And you're not sure I have changed. You're scared that it will happen all over again. You're just tired and scared of all this mess. I can't prove I've changed. I have no way of making you believe.

Painful as it is, I can't do anything unless I invent a freaking time machine. Nothing I say will convince you, not hurting myself or blaming myself.

I know how you feel. When you see those happy couples with no worries, you reflect on yourself and me, and all my messed up drama. And you feel sickened to the core.

Of course, maybe the truth is just simple: YOU HATE ME FULL STOP

I don't know for sure. All I know is, you're still the VIP in my heart, like you are in my magazine. Take care ok? ♥

I saw a guy today wearing your pants and I flashbacked to you immediately. ahhh those pants. I still can't wear certain clothes that I wore when I was with you.

PS "Back to December" describes me perfectly.

Made Up My Mind

2011-01-19T23:24:00.000+08:00

I have made my decision. I'm not going to forget you. I'm going to get you back. No matter how hard or painful, I won't give up. I'll wait till the end of time.

What hurts is not being able to tell you I miss you. What hurts is knowing you 100% deleted me from your life while I'm pining over your Facebook profile every night. What hurts is not having you by my side.

I don't know what's happy anymore, I'm serious. I've only been in pain for these past few weeks.

Darling, I have really changed. Please just give me this one last try. I'll do anything. I know you are sick of trying. I know you have tried a million times. I know each time, I'm just the same.

But this time, we've been apart for so long. The pain is like nothing I've felt before. I swear, if u just say yes and talk to me, I'd show you. I won't fight with you or force you to do things for me like before. I won't control you or scold you or hurt you or lie to you.

I promise, and please. Please don't give up on me. I need you, I love you.

We can take things slow. I will do anything to make you feel comfortable. Make you happy. Please let me back into your life, because I truly have changed. Just tell me how you want me to prove it. Actions speak louder than words. Say it and I'll do it.

Anything for you.

P.S sure it's stupid of me, bla bla, i'm just going to suffer, but please support me here. I love him more than I love myself. It's my mess, let me fix it.

2011-01-19T23:23:00.000+08:00

emo NOTE NUMBER ONE MILLION:

I thought I was getting over you. I thought I was. But in the end, I wasn't.

Why won't you believe me? Can you trust me? Please? PLEASE OK??

I am really sorry already. I KNOW I WAS A ROYAL BITCH TO YOU OK??? I know. I have realised.

I HAVE CHANGED. I'm not like before. Please, even though it won't go back to like before. But we can create a new future together. If you'd just give me a chance.

I still love you. I still miss you. I WANT TO BE A PART OF YOUR LIFE.

It hurts so freaking bad that you don't even want to acknowledge my existence.

I wish I could just stop caring.

How much I'm missing you.

2011-01-19T23:20:00.000+08:00

I miss you so much, just the simple gestures we used to do. The smallest, simplest things, like your smile, being able to pick lint from your collar, being able to bite you, just being able to talk to you. I miss your voice.

I stalk your profile, and I don't dare to try and talk to you because you'll just block me, and I'll lose my only connection.

I miss you to the fucking core.

Remember the time we walked to the museum? And it was so funny with us laughing at the stupid fishes and the fake longboats. And I tried to sit on your lap and then we were all LOL ltr the security cameras record us and put us on Facebook.

I miss the random hugs, the look in your eye and the smile on your face. I miss Sunday mornings sneaking out to give you a hug, and being paranoid when cars passed.

I miss wearing your ring on my finger, I miss your fingers running through my hair, I miss having someone to look forward to.

I only have one wish, and that's to have you love me again. Have you tell me you love me, call me darling again.

Can it just fade overnight? All our hopes and dreams for us?

If only someone can answer my prayers.

It's Been So Long

2011-01-19T23:18:00.001+08:00

It's hard that as days pass, we become more and more distant. I should accept that you're gone forever, but I can't.

It tears me apart how friendly you are to other girls. I know I no longer have any right, but in my heart I still love you dearly. And I'm so jealous and sad when I see all that.

I re-read some of your harsh msgs to me just now. In one you told me "Shut up. Pls move on and stop bothering me. You're jus getting annoying. I'm kinda hating you nw. I change fast because I have a life k? Unlike u. You let 'true love' control u. As for me? I don't believe in this love bullshit and I never have. Your academic so good for what? Ure stupid."

And it's strange that I don't hate you for your treatment of me, I don't hate you for doing this to me. Why? Maybe I feel I deserve it? Maybe we just weren't right for each other?

All i know is that I miss you, and though it's been so long since I've seen you, I still see your face clearly every night in my dreams.

I love you, dear. ♥

WHY CAN'T I LET GO??

2011-01-11T00:43:00.003+08:00

Why am I still so stubborn and stupid?? Why don't I just let go? Why do I keep blaming and hurting myself?

THERE IS NOTHING MORE I CAN DO TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

HE DOESN'T EVEN CARE, HE DOESN'T REMEMBER YOU, HE DELETED YOU FROM LIKE EVERYTHING. HE DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN.

HE'S HARSH BECAUSE HE WANTS ME TO MOVE ON AND LEAVE HIM ALONE.

I'm not going to say all the, a guy who truly loves me wouldn't have ignored my cries, a guy who truly cares wouldn't have given up on me, because that was my fault. Promises are made to be broken. He promised me he would never leave, but he had a limit.

I'm just making myself look stupid by not giving up on him. What I'm doing is making him regret even meeting me, and I SHOULD STOP LIVING IN THE PAST and remember I'm wasting my time while he is out there having fun.

I treated him like crap and I'm sorry. I pushed him away and I'm sorry. But he doesn't think I'm worth the trouble anymore. HE HATES MY FUCKING GUTS. So I should stop wallowing in my self pity and just MOVE ON AND BE HAPPY WITHOUT HIM.

Life doesn't stop because of this.

A piece of advice:

You want advice?
Give up.
You lost him, it's over. It. Is. O V E R.
So you're sorry?
I'm sure you are, but that's what you call making a mistake. You learn from it and grow. Move on and take what you've learned here so that the next time you come across a decent guy you don't run him off with drama and accusations rooted in your own insecurity. Just because you're sorry doesn't mean you automatically get a do-over and he should come running back to you. If you were worth the trouble to him, he would consider it, but he knows its a done deal. He closed the book on you and I suggest you do the same on him.

And:

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is let go. You have to now. Nothing you can do is going to make any difference and is just going to make you feel worse. Don't accept all the blame for the relationships failure, it takes 2 to make or break a relationship. He's probably deleted you because you're not letting go. He's being harsh for the same reason. It's time to move on and love yourself. The only way you're going to get over this is if you can forgive yourself and stop hating yourself so much. You have no control over how he acts but you do have control over yourself.

P.S this is a motivational post. Dammit I wish I could STOP CARING AND STOP CRYING AND LET GO. so sick of myself.

Memories..

2011-01-08T22:54:00.002+08:00

Random snatches of memories drifted into my head today.

The first time we went shopping together, at Boulevard. We laughed about the clothes that made you look ah beng. We found a shirt that said "Ee" and you almost bought it. "Ee" is part of your Chinese name.

The stolen kisses every time Felix turned his head. I remember once he turned to write "polypropene" and I was too chicken and you were like "Noob. Polypropene so long."

The time you bought me my black hairband because I was growing my hair out and I didn't have any hairbands for school. You gave it to me under the bridge.

Every time I see you, the first thing I'd do is smell your sleeve and comment on your particular smell today.

In my head, I relate everything to you. I remember the first episode of Grey's Anatomy Season 6. Then, shit, when I watched that, I WAS HAPPY. I remember my trip to Melaka, and I think, I HAVEN'T GOT WITH HIM YET.

I am not going to lie, I am not going to pretend. If my friends ask me, if some hot guy asked me, I'd say yes, I am still in love with him. I'm not going to cheat anyone or try to be with another guy to fill this emptiness.

I miss you, so so much. Why, why can't I be happy anymore.

Remember?

2011-01-07T23:07:00.000+08:00

Remember when we first started chatting? We totally clicked. We had long chats till morning. Msging you was like msging someone I've known forever. We had so much chemistry. You told your friends how much you wanted to be with me. You were serious. Before long, we fell in love. Out of so many people, we fell in love with each other.

The days of you writing my name everywhere are gone.

Remember when your dad said we're just puppy love? And you said:

Just let them wait and see. See how great is our love. I can't wait for you to be part of my family.

And you promised me, you'd bring me home to meet your mum after SPM.

Remember?

2011-01-06T23:05:00.001+08:00

Note Number 2:

I'm sorry i took you for granted.

I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you.

Why can't you give me a chance? Why can't you give us a chance? Why can't you forgive me?

You're stubborn. But so I am.

It's impossible, but I'll do it.

I love you.

Since the very beginning I've hurt you. And you didn't give up because you loved me. Now that you've lost your feelings for me, who is to blame?

I can't respect your decision, because I know that I have changed. It's not like I'm making empty promises. I mean it.

Please don't be heartless anymore.

Another One

2011-01-05T23:00:00.000+08:00

IM POSTING ALL THE NOTES I POSTED ON FB ON MY BLOG NOW. KTHXBYE.

Well everyone has read my blog. Practically everyone has been inboxing me and all that. I just don't need that now.

I still want you back.

I still cry myself to sleep every night.

I still look at your photos though it hurts, because I miss you.

It's been 5 weeks. Since I lost you. After 1 year 4 months 2 days together.

You say it will always and forever be a NO. And I know you enough to know that you will have no regrets, and you're stubborn and you won't change your mind. I know you're sick of me. And you hate me.

But I still want you back so much.

What sucks is that I know if you do give me a chance, we CAN be happy again. It WILL work out.

JUST YOU WON'T TRY AGAIN. And it sucks because I LOVE YOU.

I should back off by now, but no. No matter how harsh you are to me, I can't freaking forget you.

Our long msn chats, our secret dates, our promises and phonecalls, I miss that.

What I miss most, is the fact that you were always there EVERYDAY. I wake up, to a msg from you. I'll tell you everything, what I'm going to do later, what I'm doing now, what I feel. If something interesting or sad or funny happens, I'll immediately tell you. If I'm sick or down, I'll immediately get a cheer up msg from you.

And now, I still itch to reach for my phone to text you, to tell you everything, though I know you don't care.

Can you please don't give up on me? Can you please change your mind? Can you feel sorry for me for the last time? Can you don't hate me?

Can you just give me this last chance? Can you just try one more time, and believe in me?

Please.

It's Hard To Call You My 'Ex'

2011-01-03T16:28:00.001+08:00

I'm scared I won't find this happiness elsewhere.

I'm scared I won't be able to be happy again.

I'm scared we'll end up being strangers, because now that I've let go it seems like all our familiarity is gone. I can't talk to you like I always did before,and that scares me.

In some ways, I wish you'd hate me rather than forget me completely.

Does that make sense?

Quote: You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened.Think about it, when she’s too much for you.. She just wants the best for you. Because to her YOU’RE the best. If you don’t like something, talk to her about it. You mean so much to her. Don’t just give up. Don’t just leave because you want the easy way out.

I remember everything so clearly.. Even though the memories bring me pain. Can you just forget so easily?

I am sick now and I'm not even used to not having you there for me when I'm sick.

No matter how much i tell myself to forget you, it still runs in my head. I have to cry and cry just to make myself tired and fall asleep..

I really want you back but I know it's changed now. I know you're happy without me.. I know you've moved on.. I know I don't cross your mind or heart anymore. Then why do I still love you and pray everyday for a miracle?

a picture from tumblr:

I don't know what else to do.. There's nothing that can be done. Except forget.. and I can't. I'm sorry, but sorry doesn't solve anything does it? Though I've changed.. You still see the old me.. And despite it all, I still love you. Though you don't love me anymore, I love you every second of the day.

My only wish is just to be able to hold your hand in mine again and hear you say those 3 words. I wish I could get some horrible injury and need an operation or something.. Then at least I would have a reason to force you to see me..

Always and Forever ♥

2011-01-03T00:04:00.002+08:00

When I first met you, you were a shy, emo guy. You told me I brightened up your life. You didn't have many close friends. We became close. We shared all our secrets together. I could see you getting more confident.

I had an awesome relationship with you. You spoiled me, gave me so much attention. I never saw your pain. I never knew how much you had to put up with. You also felt like you somehow didn't match up with me and people look down on you. But it wasn't true. I never once felt that way. We spent CNY, Valentine's, your birthday and mine.

As time passed, you became more distant. I got more unreasonable. We fought. But we always made up and promised to stay strong. Fight till the end. I thought, all couples are like this. Long together already so sure will lose a bit of sweetness.

You always reassured me that, you love me as much as the first day we met. You can't live without me. I'm your everything and your whole life. You'll never leave me because I'm your soulmate.

I DON'T BLAME YOU. for anything. it was beautiful. we overcame our shyness together. After some time we baru can talk without blushing. There was a time I couldn't walk for I was so happy. Never have I been happier. We were so close.

I never understood your pain. I was unreasonable and i didn't give as much as i took. I blamed you for everything, expected you to clean it up. I took it for granted that no matter how we fought, we would always make up and fix it because we LOVED each other. I didn't appreciate you. I fought with you over the littlest things.

Then you told me, that you didn't love me anymore after all these fights. That you'd rather be single than fight everyday. That you'd reached your limit, you can't be with me anymore. You said you weren't happy. You loved me before but you couldn't take the tears and sleepless nights anymore.

At first I still continued on like a bitch. Pressuring you, scolding you. When you needed time. Then when you really let go and gave up, I truly learnt my lesson. I saw your pain. I saw how SELFISH and THOUGHTLESS i had been. I couldn't accept you were gone. I thought if I kept chasing you, you'd love me back.

I thought of those times I left you, and you always chased me back. So I held on to you. But you refused to look back and give me a second chance. You've moved on. You've forgotten all the memories. They mean nothing to you now. You told me harshly to stop bothering you and get out of your life.

It was too late. I didn't appreciate you till you were gone. Nothing I said, all the tears I cried, couldn't move you.

Since you've been gone, pain is in my life everyday. Everyone tells me to forget you, but I can't. Maybe in time I'll heal. But you cross my mind everyday. Everytime I wake up, I reach for my phone to tell you good morning. I lie awake at night thinking of you. My sleep is haunted by you. I would give anything just to hear you say 'I love you' once more.

Losing you was like losing a part of my heart. After you left, life lost its colour. I miss you so badly, your laughter, your smell, your hand, your shoulder. I missed my best friend. I've used up like a packet of tissue from writing this. LOL. I'm trying to live out my life without you. But I never knew how meaningful life was with you in it. Now it's like there's nothing left. Having you was a happiness I couldn't find elsewhere. Everything was great with you by my side.

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. I just want you to know, even if you never read this. I will always love you. You'll always have that special place in my heart. Maybe in time I can let go of you. I wouldn't trade my memories with you for anything. Loving you and being loved back was the greatest treasure. Having you to care for me, to take care of me when I'm sick, to remind me to eat and drink lotsa water, to tuck me in every night. It was special. I'm sad now that it's changed. And we're strangers.

Maybe our paths will cross again in the future. I will never forget watching the sunset with you, kissing your cheek, having your arm around me, belonging to you, sharing my secrets with you, hugging you, ruffling your hair. I will never forget all the times we snuck out to meet each other, sweaty and tired but glad to see each other.

one day after school

I guess you hate me now, but I'll always think of you on every September 22nd. All the memories and familiar places will stay in my head. I'm glad you're happy. If you ever feel lonely, know I'm thinking of you. If you ever decide to turn back, try and see if you can catch me again. I'm truly sorry I ruined it. But I guess you'll never turn back now. I know you rarely change your mind. You'll stick with your decision. But, you're only human so I hope you'll miss me. I know you think I'm happier without you but I'm not. Are you really happier without me?

what we used to have :')

Thanks for the love and memories. Thanks for sacrificing for me for 1 year 2 months 4 days :) Thanks for the unforgettable journey. Happy New Year everybody too :)

*if you can give me a chance to bring back our love, i'll never treat you like before. i'll never let go again. but i know i can't force you to love me. so i wil stop msging you and calling you. though I MISS YOU SO BAD. i'll let u live your life without me.

2011-01-02T21:36:00.007+08:00

I don't know how people know I'm blogging again but I've been getting msgs in my FB inbox, some a bit umm strange, and just to tell me they read my blog and cheer up. Which is nice, and thanks, but I'm a bit embarassed that I've been all cheesy and stuff =__= and am going to be for some time. I feel a bit shy to know people read this emo shit. And seriously, nothing anyone can say can comfort me. Everyone says, move on cheer up stay strong you'll find better etc. It doesn't cheer me up a bit.

He's stubborn as a mule and I know he won't change his mind, I suppose it's too late. If you love someone, let them go, if they come back to you, you're meant to be? All I know is now I can't even imagine myself with some new guy and being happy. Picture doesn't come to my head.

It's slightly funny how much I find fault with him last time and he never did. Reading my old posts, complaining because he didn't buy me some ridiculously expensive drink after I nagged him, being angry because he won't make me happy by spamming my FB wall, being angry when he's busy studying and can't text me because he isn't good at multitasking.

And he never said a single word about me or my flaws or me being naggy and annoying and comparing him to other guys and being unreasonable.

I miss you so much that I just want to go to a payphone, call you, hear your voice and hang up, That's how obsessively crazy I miss you and no, I'm not doing that. The last time I ever saw him was 11th December afternoon.

I miss you so much that I look at all your happy photos just to see your face in them even though it hurts.

I miss you telling me I look cute, I am gorgeous, I am sexy, and knowing you mean it.

I miss you complaining and being emo when you have a bad breakout, and I spend my time comforting you and telling you I'd love you even if you sprouted warts, but I can't help laughing because you're so sad over the pimple, and you get annoyed thinking I'm laughing at you.

I miss you standing up for me, and when I'm sad you're never good at cheering me up, but your effort always makes me smile.

I miss your random comments that make me laugh till I cry. I miss teasing you about being Andy Lau, about Taylor Lautner.

I miss telling you how handsome you are, and hearing you groan.

♥ I love you to this very day, though you put me through hell this past month.

a song.

Is it possible that I think about you SO SO much, and you don't think about me even ONCE at all? Life is cruel. It hurts when I see couples on Facebook or in person and I HATE THEM because they remind me of what we used to be.

You'd rather forget than start another painful road with me. I'd rather forget too, that you ever existed, but I freaking can't. I can't get over you now. I can't leave it all in the past.

I never realized how much I hurt you, I never put myself in your shoes. Now I make you think love is stupid and you don't need it, I made you bitter because loving me brought you so much pain you're scared of being in a relationship anymore. Which sucks worse than you running off with some girl. I brought so much drama to your life that you will hate me forever.

You basically made it clear enough that you don't love me and i mean nothing to you anymore. So I do get it. I guess. Maybe it's possible for you to stop loving me so fast. Maybe you stopped loving me long before we broke up. I asked a guy friend is it possible to stop loving someone you've been with for so long and used to love, without even a bit of feeling left? He said :

yes
because its not worth my life

so I erase it

for if I dont it will hinder my life

and a possible better future

Plus screw the past, I don't own him.

so why i emo right not like he cares lol but I just am.

Sorry, woke up and felt emo

2011-01-02T15:32:00.002+08:00

I made your life so full of drama and pain that you won't even give me a second thought.

I guess after all this I just want reassurance that you'll never forget you knew a girl named Ena. Instead of you pretending you've never met me or shared anything with me.

Still wake up everyday willing for there to be a text from you in my phone.

I'm not ready for anything at all anymore. Still so sad inside. Everytime I laugh it sounds and feels empty.

If it's true what you said, wish you and her happy. Maybe I was just replaceable and forgettable after all.

Finding a person you truly like, getting to know him, learning to be comfortable with him, trusting him, giving him all your love, making him a part of your life, looking forward to seeing him always, and having your heart broken as he leaves, and all this hard work for the past year goes wasted.

You always said, whenever we fought, Just wait till after SPM k? We been together so long already. Don't give up now. We will spend lotsa time together after SPM alright? And we can fix all our problems.

Remember when we met for the first time? Or all the times we stayed up to comfort one another? Remember?? Remember?? Or have you forgotten??

All the times we made up and stayed strong through the disagreements and misunderstandings? All the times we almost gave up but we worked hard to stay together? After going through hell and high waters to solve all our initial problems, why can't you let me solve this one??

I JUST WANT TO MAKE A FRESH START.

Gonna be a lonely CNY. After you know how happiness feels like, and it gets taken away, you're left with nothing. Like how, I always did well without a boyfriend but after having one and losing him, just makes me feel that everyday i get out of the wrong side of the bed.

P.S :

Kiki just said:

Not long after we met,**** menceritakan hasratnya untuk bersamamu. At first I thought he was kidding, but then it came true and he was very happy :D I know I shouldnt be saying this, but after reading your blog, I kinda felt sad too, because I can feel for both of you remember when you both visited my house?

and it sorta cheered me up that he was happy, and like he said kind of sad because it's all gone.

Resurgence for Blogging

2011-01-02T01:05:00.005+08:00

I'm really not used to being so unhappy on a permanent basis. My thoughts are always on you even when I'm out with friends, reading a book or watching a movie. I just wish I knew what you were thinking. I would like to believe that you still care for me, only you don't want to be with me anymore. Instead of you hating my guts and wiping me completely out of your life. Still, I can't blame you as being heartless or selfish. I guess you don't wanna look back. I always think everything will work out given the chance. But I guess you gave me one too many chances till you're sick to try.

Also, I guess if you don't love your ex anymore and she keeps blogging about you, you'll get annoyed. He said he was DISGUSTED by me even. But lol no one reads my blog anyways. So I don't think you'll read this.

So ANYWAYS, I would like to ask certain people to GROW THE FUCK UP. Like seriously. You are making a big drama over nothing. I'm sorry I haven't been my usual bubbly awesome self but I've been emo-ing lately. Sorry lah. You think I want meh? You think I don't want to move on?

If I've been too self absorbed over my problems and not caring for yours, I am sorry. But why do you have to like, be so secretive and all that then act emo and post about me on facebook and expect me to know wth you're thinking?? I apologized countless times because I just don't want to lose anymore people from my life. But you're just being a drama queen.

If you don't want to be my friend then alright. Thanks for comforting me but I guess I don't live up to your 'expectations'. Since you can so easily, block contact with me and remove me from your life for this kind of thing.

And one more thing. I just broke up like 1 month? I obviously am not going to get in a relationship. I am not a playgirl. I am not looking for a rebound guy. I just need company and care. Sorry if I offend anyone, but I think even if you fall in love right after breakup you shouldn't be with a new person. At least need wait some time?

True, love comes at unexpected times. But I think someone who immediately jumps into a new relationship is just not respectful of their previous relationship. I mean, even if you hated your ex or really loves a new guy/girl. It's just wrong. You have to show respect for your previous ex also and go through an appropriate mourning period.

Not saying they're cheap or what. Everyone has their own reasons and some people are very happy with their next bf/gf. It's good if you're happy, then you don't need to listen to my opinions :)

Picture to spruce up my post:

current fb pic

I also know people think I'm stupid mourning over my ex etc etc. And I agree. But it's stupid to hide it and act happy then go home and cry. I am not the kind who hides anything. I share deep secrets with random people online. I don't care what anyone thinks la. I don't go school anymore also. If you think I'm pathetic or what, then cut me some slack. People HEARTBREAK la ok. Maybe I'm just the stupid setia pada cinta type. But life goes on. I am not going to jump off any buildings. And I am sure I did my best in SPM.

I feel so eaten up by guilt. All the times I failed you. Already everything seems a distant memory. I feel decades older after this pain. New year, but same pain. I'm not a move forward person. I dwell on the past, lost opportunities, and now I'm just full of regrets.

To everyone who's lucky enough to have someone like what I had, please appreciate them. DON'T END UP LIKE ME.

The number 1 thing that hurts the most is that the memories that are so precious to me, are those memories that you want to forget and pretend never happened. Knowing that, despite everything, you are not a jerk, I am. You taught me a valuable lesson, about my attitude, about how I should cherish those I love.

I just can't seem to think of myself with anyone else but you. Knowing that so much has changed, everything seems strange and I'm scared. I'm so used to having you by my side. Why did you change so much?

I wish I can wake up one day, and start a new beginning too.

a picture from happier times. Everything now is divided between when i was happy and now, when i'm not.

Thursdays ♥

2011-01-01T18:30:00.005+08:00

Every Thursday I'd wake up, eager to get the day done with. I'd try to wear something cute in the evening, and put loads of conditioner on my hair so it smells nice. When i catch sight of you walking through that door, I smile.

You sit next to me, and you'll put your arm around me and move closer. Or sometimes we'd just smile and wink at each other. Sometimes you make a funny joke and we just laugh. Sometimes we fight and are cold to each other but that's not often.

You run your fingers through my hair and nudge me with your elbow. We laugh and talk and I'd either try rubbing your back to make you ticklish. These are the highlights of my week. Then I'd wait for the next time I saw you again. You'd always kiss me good night.

That was when we were in love.

Now if I talk of these to you, you'd be disgusted and annoyed. Thursday used to be our special day. Why am I paying tribute to you in my blog? Because silly as it sounds (cause I know I'm only 17) I'm scared I won't find someone to replace you. Someone who understood me as well as you.

It's sad how you totally don't care anymore. When I'm sick or sad I just want to tell you. I want you in my life. But you don't care. I miss our closeness.

I admit, you're happier without me. And that saddens me. I don't feel angry or bitter or anything. I just feel sad and lonely. The sense of something missing. I'm lucky to have people to accompany me and comfort me. But sometimes it doesn't help much. Seems that nothing can fill this empty space.

Without me, no love, but no fights either :( I hate being so alone. There are people to care about me, but it's not the same. You weren't happy with the old me. You won't give me a chance for the new me. How do I let go? I'm waiting for time to help me. I wish I was stronger. Like you.

But in the meantime, I will still think back of those memories because they're too precious to forget. If i forget them, maybe I'll never get these experiences again.

There is a little voice in me hoping that maybe he still thinks of me, maybe he still checks my profile or my blog to see how I'm doing. Maybe he just thought it was for my best. Maybe he just needed time. Maybe tomorrow the phone will ring and it'll be him and it'll be like nothing ever happened.

HAHA. Joke, guys. I'm pretty sure he forgot all about me in my entirety. Before he was like a computer freak. And he totally stopped his gaming addiction after me. Now it's like reunion. Lol.

I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of loving someone who hates me. I'm tired of missing you. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of this pain that never goes away. I just want to grow up and move on but I can't stop missing you and having random recollections of you passing through my head.

Do I deserve this? I guess if you see it through his eyes, I deserve this pain after all the shit I pulled on him. If you were his friend, you'd be thinking serves me right, now regret lah. And I agree. I have a guy friend who told me he wouldn't give me a chance if he was him. If you get me.

I don't even want you to read this. I'm scared you'll tell me to stop blogging about you and stop it. And I wouldn't be able to go all BLOGGER RIGHTS on you because I'm still hopelessly you-know-what.

In my fantasy world, you'll miss me like a year later, but think I've stopped loving you. Then you stumble on these posts and comment anonymously. And I read these comments and wonder, who is it? And then you catch me at the airport as I am about to move to England or something.

HAHAHA I've been watching too many chick flicks. For one thing he would never comment anonymously, secondly I'd still go to England, thirdly, this is all in my head and I can see him with some totally awesome nice girl next year and going 'huh who's ena?' Cause I'm not delusional. I KNOW YA DON CARE you made that clear enough.

I'm sure people will go WTF move on la stupid after reading this and I'll go screw you i'm trying.

Emo as this sounds, I feel considerably happier. Only blogging can release my feelings. Better than emo-ing and annoying my friends. Toodles!

I'm sure this isn't healthy, but blogging about you is better than crying over you in my room. Without you, I always feel alone even when surrounded by people.

I Feel So Screwed

2010-10-08T16:45:00.002+08:00

Face it, having a blog means I pour all my emo self pity crap in it in the vain hopes that some handsome stranger shall read it and take it upon him to cheer me up LOL.

I seriously have no direction in my life no. My grades suck balls and it's so unfair how others are getting high marks but i'm quite sure mine are ok too. But this particular subject is subjective and flexible but ARGHHH it's so unfair FML it's mock and I have flunked big time.

Drama happening in small quantities. I can't care less, school ends in a few weeks. And thus ends a phase of my so far sheltered life, and I will be able to make my own decisions and grow up.

I don't know what I'm doing after SPM, though it's only a month away. School is as usual pointless and I just feel I'm rotting away at school. I get confused, distracted, exhausted after school and frankly I wish I could stay home and study.

Anyhow I'm really struggling now, because cliche as it sounds the next few months will decide my future and it will be my ticket to *inserts place*

All areas of appearance, social life and relationships with people are under disrepair.

I'm sorta kinda back

2010-10-02T21:38:00.003+08:00

Why did I stop blogging?

1) I hate my blog layout and I don't want to change it because it's so time consuming FML.

2) I'm busy with all sorts of crap for example STUDIES so lifeless nowadays sighs.

3) My life is boring and I really got no juice or what to blog about. Though I do have a new person-I-hate :D

4) Being in a relationship makes me a sickly emo or sickly mushy person whom I hate and I hate polluting my blog with all that ick

5) My streamyx drives me really NUTS

GIANT CAMWHORE PHOTO NOW cause i have nothing to blog about

2010-07-19T16:34:00.001+08:00

my blog is so effing dead.

When Conversations Aren't the Same

2010-06-08T23:34:00.003+08:00

There is this person who used to have incredibly silly and random conversations and chats with me. A normal chat between us would be :

Me: EH DID U KNOW THAT IF U EAT 20 PLUMS YOUR GUMS TURN BRIGHT PURPLE?
XX: lol go try it la then see who wants to get near you
Me: YOU LOSER! DIE YOUUU
XX: *random emoticon*
Me: jegrewruhgiht IDIOTTT :D
XX: eh u knw jus now i stepped on a bug. its so bloody LOL.
Me: oh ya u got see Jane's new pics? she's so hot now wei.
XX: ok la, her nose too big.
Me: Why u so mean one! =(
XX: *suddenly quotes ultraman*

And so on.

And now, its just :

Me: EH U KNW OR NOT THAT EINSTEIN LOVED EGGS?
XX: u tell me for what?
Me: Just being random ma. hahahaha LALALALALAALA
XX: siao la you..swt.
Me: hahahhaha why? eh go this website so cool eh!
XX: -.- dowan la..
Me: oh ok lo.

Sighs =(

Another Bleak Emo Post

2010-06-03T00:36:00.001+08:00

A human being is an organic being with chemicals in them. When they die they decompose and that's the end. I don't believe in a soul because that's jut humans reassuring themselves that they can somehow live on after death.

Been very angry and upset and bitchy since the holidays. First off, I hate bitches.

WTH? some skincare commercial used harry potter as their soundtrack LOL

so anyhow, been feeling left out by my oh-so-faithful-companions. YES i am feeling very left out and blue. I need to go out but since I'm not invited might as well find NEW friends -.-

financial problems, relationship problems. oh and i can feel the effects of sleeping 16 hours a day. MY BRAIN CELLS ALL DYING.

6 more months till after SPM and I am free to exit this HELL.

2010-05-23T02:01:00.001+08:00

have i changed?

i don't think so. i'm the same old wacky vain weirdo girl with a bitchy edge and a loud mouth. i love my friends as much as i usually do and i'll never give up without a fight. i always stand up for myself and all i care for. my grades are pretty much the same, my fashion sense is the same, MY HEIGHT is the same.

but i guess from my blog posts i have changed? being attached changed me? do i get moody more easily?

gahh. whatsoever. change is for the better :) so what if i'm more emo?

can't wait to be free from this hellhole/birdcage.

2010-05-13T23:53:00.002+08:00

Life is unpredictable. Today a few decades ago was PERISTIWA 13 MEI. amen/whatever else to the dead souls.

I passed my Add Math..with an A-. Unbelievable? wow. I screwed up math due to severe stomachache and severe RETARDATION. 15 divided by 3 is 3. =.=

It's all over now at last. After like 2 months of no sleep. After 3 weeks of studying and 2 weeks of exams, I'm free.

After SPM, it'll be like, after 11 years of studying and 3 weeks of exams, I'm free.

Can't wait ♥

How do you make me laugh over the smallest craziest stupid things when we're together? You make me laugh till i cry everytime. Over really silly lame things. it's a gift you have darling and thanks so much. Just a look from you sets me laughing my ass off. :]

2010-05-08T18:48:00.004+08:00

In the beginning, guys are so in love with you. He is understanding and comfortable. He never neglects you, and never hurts you. If he does, he apologises. You are the most important thing in his life. He always does sweet things for you and never raises his voice at you.

Then he changes. He takes you for granted. He no longer understands how you feel. His friends are more important now. He picks fights with you over little things. He insults you with foul words. He doesn't care anymore. He doesn't call you anymore. He doesn't even reply your messages. He says you're annoying and nagging if you try to talk to him. You cry and he doesn't even care.

He says he loves you, do you believe him? Do you continue to give him chances? Do you just keep trying? Is it worth it to be so hurt all the time?

What hurts the most is being in love with someone who doesn't love you anymore.

Titleless

2010-04-17T21:49:00.003+08:00

I officially have a dead blog.

Been pulling all nighters since Monday, it sucks. Crying an dhaving nervous breakdowns lately. I;m so sleepy I could fall asleep showering.

Sports Day was ok, I was only there for like an hour. After that we went to Hopoh where I foudn shoes that still make me ache for them. EXAMS SO SOON FUCK EXAMS ARGHH.

Oh and I went to MSSM with Adrian on Thursday. It was fun and not a lot of work at all. And I got to hang out with him. It's not dating because we were never alone, there was Cassie and Faizah or teacher. LOL yes he did hang out with me and my teachers stapling papers together. We were only talking. =)

I was talking to him 3 Fridays ago at church and we were reported as berpelukan. WTF they actually submitted a report on me to the principal. =.=

Like I can't stand up for myself. Fuckers.

Off to study ♥

2010-04-04T01:12:00.002+08:00

The one who cares less has the most power. The one who cares more, who puts more effort, is the most vulnerable because he/she's going to get hurt the most.

What happens when you find yourself in that position? As time passes you care more and more. Life revolves around that person more. Soon, you're dependent on that person, whether he/she is is a good mood, you only go places where he/she go, you have become a lifeless person, and you care more and more and find yourself in a spot where you depend on someone so much, yet that person can live without you so easily.

What do you do?

hey..

2010-04-01T22:43:00.002+08:00

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. Some bad things have been happening in my life. I've been in and out of hospital so much lately. :(

Have a happy day peeps.

Accomplishment

2010-03-25T14:21:00.002+08:00

I so long didn't blog. Well I'm so busy now it's crazy. if you don't spend at least 3 hours on homework a day you're dead. I FINALLY FINISHED MINE after pulling 3 late nights. Very proud of myself now!! My homework all the way from LAST YEAR was finally done.

Feels like a load off my back. I've been paying attention in class too. And I finally organised all my notes into files. I have 7 files total. =)

I'm turning over a new leaf. It's not too late for me after all. 8D

Life's Boring

2010-03-19T15:57:00.001+08:00

The holidays are almost over, and have been deathly boring except for a few movies and KBOX-ing. I sleep at 4 and wake up past noon. My homework is pretty much undone. =(

I'm still kinda excited now because I'm making a surprise for someone ♥ I think I prefer giving people surprises than receiving surprises.

Weeeeeeeeee

2010-03-15T08:03:00.000+08:00

Seems like nobody blogs anymore...

I'm going through some hard times in my life now..

But I'm optimistic as ever =D

I Am Proud of Myself

2010-03-12T15:11:00.002+08:00

I may be small and bimbotic but I can say that i am not easily intimidated by anyone nor am I scared of anyone. I can stand up for myself and won't be cowed down by others. I say things publicly and avoid backstabbing at all costs. I guess everything that's happened has taught me to be stronger.

I no longer cry when confronted with people. I am more mature and I no longer care what others think as much as I had a few years ago.

=)

Pain

2010-03-10T05:39:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I see the pain people experience and they blog about it and all..I just feel so bad for them because I've gone through that before too. I wish I could help even if they are only strangers to me or they hate me.

All I can say is stay strong. Sighs to sad blog posts and Facebook updates.

2010-03-09T23:08:00.001+08:00

I HATE MYSELF I FUCKING SUCK I AM A FAILURE ARGHHH CIBAI FUCKKKKK.

Finally I Should Blog a Long Post

2010-03-06T15:13:00.003+08:00

I was going through my beautifully written angry/emo posts back in October and September and wished I could still blog that way. I'm sure you're all sick of me blogging about my personal life and crap like that, but still. Here's an excerpt from my life.

Do you ever think that in a relationship, both of you must have the same goals? Or do you think if you love each other, everything will just work out? Like for example, one party wants to get married and have kids, the other doesn't. Who tolerates the other? How about other differences? Wealth? Religious views? Views on society? Views from society? Interests? What if one has an intense hobby in race cars or singing and the other utterly loathes it and you hate that he/she doesn't share the same interests?

Don't say it doesn't matter, because it does. You don't know it, but everything matters. A wrong word, a painful argument, a few tears, an ignored protest. Love is great but love can't overcome everything if both of you aren't "sehaluan". For it to work out, there are other factors too. Everything matters.

I'm not so naive now that I believe that that love is so great that it can solve any obstacles that pop out. It's all based on forgiveness and tolerance, but I don't think I am that mature yet.

There are some things that are all I've ever wanted in a relationship, which is just to be showered with affection and love and have a comforting shoulder or a comforting hug when I'm upset. Without me having to say it, I wish you'll understand. But worse is even when I say it, you still don't get it. How much it means to me, small gestures that light up my day. EVERYTHING MATTERS. Don't you see?

I appreciate all the things that you have done but those things that I need most in my moments of pain, can't you do it??

Yes, I am having some doubts and problems in my relationship. There's no happy ending or fairytale, just a long road filled with obstacles which leads to a faraway rainbow.

But don't be too eager, bitches and guys interested in me. HAHAHA. I'm nowhere near a break up or anything. There's still too much love that none of us can let go despite any pain that occurs.

I've become so used to you in my life that it's impossible for me to imagine life without you in it.

Exams

2010-03-06T02:51:00.004+08:00

This exams were horrible.....

Add Math: 40000 + 120000 = 16000 STUPIDITY. Lost at least 7 marks to carelessness only. Not to mention got those I really don't know how to do one.

Math: TODAY. SCREWED UP. I have always gotten 90+ for Math but this time, I screwed up.

Chemistry: CIBAI GRAPH. I don't know am I right or wrong. Grrrrr i will argue to death about that graph. It has misleading English WTF.

Physics: A simple question became screwed up after I overthought it. Some diagrams draw wrong.

EST : Wrote crap.

BM: Kinda a hard paper. No idea about KOMSAS and the sentences were weird.

History: A big joke since I didn't even finish studying ==. Should be get ok for my structure and essay but really low for objective.

Bio and English should be ok..I hope. Moral next week.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH SCREW THIS EXAM T.T I HATE MYSELF I AM A FAILUREEEEEE

: (

Mushy Post #1

2010-02-26T20:21:00.002+08:00

Okaaay. I normally don't do this. I don't do mushy posts. But I'm in the mood to share the love. So yeah here we are. Every teacher is going to find out =D

I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND.

♥

You are cute and sweet and funny and adorable and I love everything about you I love your teeth I love your eyes I love your hands even when you don't cut your nails I love your non-existent six pack I love you you you you you :)

Happy? ♥ I WANT MY KOLO MEE.

Happy Birthday Dear Edith Lee

2010-02-23T19:59:00.001+08:00

Tall, cute and horny. My darling little Edith. :D Happy Birthday! One year older, one year dirtier.

Love u! Anyway had a birthday celebration for Edith after sports meeting today. I frantically ran around shielding candles, offing fans and borrowing lighters. it was worth it because Edith sure looked happy. Sorry we ignored you all day. Mavis made us.

Many personal problems right now making it hard for me to study. Stress so much because sure I cannot finish already. Should not be blogging actually. =(

Off now. Exams next week. Will be back by next Thursday after the bitch papers all finish. Wish me luck!

You know you love me ♥

School

2010-02-19T23:10:00.002+08:00

School in 2 days. Went to Cassie's yesterday and watched Paranormal Activity. It was kinda boring when I watched it, but when I got home I kept thinking about being stalked by a demon and kept jumping at every sound I heard.

I miss gambling :(

Today went for a movie with bf. Ended up spending a lot of time in the carpark..long story. Point is, carparks are good hiding places. And Percy Jackson the Lightning Thief is a nice movie.

Exams in 9 days.

Happy Belated CNY/Valentine's!

2010-02-16T22:02:00.002+08:00

Sorry I'm 3 days late. It's been an awesome 3 days.

Dressing up in nice dresses, putting on so much makeup that it can only be deemed ok for CNY, then going out eating and collecting money and gambling ♥!

First day went mostly to relatives, around 9 or 10 houses? Spent the night with him at a friend's house as it was Valentine's.

Second day I went to Shel's and Clare's and Kevin's and Churchill's. Played a lot of Wii and sang a lot of karaoke with the guys and then walked 1000 metres to Churhcill's house!!!!!!!

Today went out to friends' houses. In order, Lynne, Mavis, Linda, Edith, Jess, Sarah, Adrian. Spent the day with him. I'm kinda tired...I have only about 200 worth of angpau. =(

Now have to start studying.

No more drinking, gambling, or hanging out.

Lens and Various Others

2010-02-12T19:59:00.009+08:00

I finally got my Nudy Blue geo lens. I'm a huge fan of blue, cause I'm an ah lien ang-mo wannabe =D

I also prefer bright striking tones rather than natural colors because hey, I went to the effort of using them, I want you all to notice!

I bought them from a Kuching High guy who passed them to Cassie. They costed RM 45. At first they looked kinda not blue so I was worried.

Took me freaking ages to open them. they came in adorable vials like this.

This stupid metal thing broke my nail. Before CNY. WTF

In comparison to my Freshkon Black. They are actually bigger! I guess the brighter the bigger? They don't even have a huge ring and its huge!

In sunlight

Sunlight..excuse my eyebags.

In my dark room

I love them so much! Baby blue and shiny with a halo effect. It's striking and exactly what I wanted. Let me review them.

Enlargement 10/10 VERY BIG! I guess having a small iris and small eyes comes in handy cause every lens is big big big.
Color 9.5/10 Very nice, obvious in dark and sun, very angelic looking!
Comfort 8/10So far they're comfy. They're thin and soft.

Some other random photos:

Nerdy specs!

Pink stufffff I ♥ my ribbon

Valentine gifts!

I did my nails a week ago! nice?

Anyhow, the proposal to take our class photos in a studio has been approved.

YIPPEE!!! AFTER 5 YEARS I CAN GET MY HUGE-ASS FACE IN THE LOOKING GLASS!

Studio studio. =)

Today camwhored with teacher's camera LOLOLOL. Pictures on Facebook.

Happy Chinese New Year and Happy Valentine's Day guys!

Love Love Love I Want Your Love

2010-02-06T16:24:00.003+08:00

Random title. Anyway, seems to be breakup season nowadays. Tragic stories everywhere. I am so kepo.....on Facebook I stalk a few couples. And 3 of them have broken up in these few days. I have gone as far as to stalking their activities on Facebook. I even add their friends just to see what posts they post on their friends' walls. Then i delete them. HAHA. I am so kepo.

I am having financial problem, sad to say. I thought that after working I wouldn't have financial problem anymore. But after shopping for random stuff like hairbands, a jacket, replacing my torn lens, buying Valentine gifts, and STILL OWING A TOTAL OF 45 BUCKS, my RM 150 has dwindled to a sad 50.

I roughly need another 100 to stay alive. 90 to pay for lens, 15 to pay Clare, around 50 for MORE Valentine gifts for someone and I still need a nice T-shirt.

Tears. I hate myself T.T I spent like 15 today on random trifle. I spent RM 29 on Valentine gifts for him and brother. I still need more cash.

Conflict

2010-02-04T22:20:00.002+08:00

First month and I already have conflict in class.

Already hear backstabbing.

Already got gossip.

Already falling back in work.

Already fight with bf 100million times.

Already HAVE A DEMERIT (lalalalalalala)

Already blacklisted.

I am so busy. Math work everyday. Random work from LAST year like Moral and Sejarah still a pile. Doing stuff like magazine, Public Speaking, helping out with this year's Choral script, having a Chess Competition soon.

Chinese New Year and Valentine's Day around the corner.

Dark clouds?

2010-01-30T16:08:00.002+08:00

School is pretty stressful enough nowadays. Too much homework, and all that. Nothing is going how I want it to go. At the risk of sounding emo, sometimes I just feel like I'm drowning and nothing is what I want it to be.

Going through a rough patch now. I don't know what the fuck is happening to me. I feel so freaking bipolar.

A little help here? I can't breathe and all I need is a hand to lift me up :(

Makeup ♥

2010-01-28T14:48:00.001+08:00

Dedicated to Clare. A makeup crap-post.

Ok. I don't know where to start. I'm not like pro in makeup. And I'm trying to lessen my usage cause I scared long term use will change my face colour. NOT KIDDING.

Eyeliner and blusher are my essentials. And mascara on my lower lashes. I no need mascara on my upper lashes cause they're so short anyway.

Eyeliner doesn't look fierce if applied on both upper and lower eyelids contrary to popular belief. In fact, sometimes without eyeliner top and bottom it is just weird. Depends on your eye shape or how thick you put. But better if you put on both top and bottom =D Unless you're lazy. I use liquid on top and pencil on the bottom. I SUCK AT EYESHADOW.

Oh, and eyebrows. Always pluck them. Unless you're lazy. Then get bangs.

Wait I want do homework now. Will add pictures later.

Tons of Work

2010-01-24T00:31:00.000+08:00

Form 5 is still the same..a shitload of homework. So far I'm still doing all my homework (the edge is still there) but I'm wearing thin and getting left behind. I am the laziest person I know, I don't even get out of bed to switch on the fan, I just let myself sweat cause lazy. I would never do laundry if I lived on my own, and I am a huge procrastinator.

Just got back from dinner with bf. Ahahahaha I know you follow my blog. =.= I just found out.

Busy Busy

2010-01-22T21:27:00.002+08:00

A thousand and one assignments.

I think not being able to use the word "Allah" is ridiculous because simply, there is no law against it. As long as we don't ridicule the word it's ok what. Blah stupid government. Burning churches did the trick. Oh I hear the ISA coming at me. Might as well I admit that I burned some of them right now. Bet those monkeys don't get sarcasm.

I am so dead tireddddddd

Lollies

2010-01-18T22:23:00.000+08:00

Not in a very good mood.

Shopping ♥

2010-01-15T22:05:00.004+08:00

I can't wait for Chinese New Year!!

I just had a major shopping spree. Well, not major as in I bought a lot, but I shopped for more than 3 hours in the same boutique trying on a few truckful of clothes.

I have the awesomest shoes ever! Suede shoes with fringe. Greyyyy. Very Very pretty.

I can't wait for CNY to wear my new clothes.

So far I've bought:
1. A blue dress
2. A black dress
3. A red dress
4. A pink babydoll top
5. A purple babydoll top
6. A tube top
7. A pair of shorts
8.Suede shoes
9. Two push up bras

All my necklaces and makeup are all bought. Now I'm going to purchase/look for

1.Skinny jeans
2.A T shirt
3. Sandals
4. Makeup remover
5. A bag
6. A jacket
7. Hair extensions
8. New lens

Weeeeeeee I'm so high from shopping! =D

P.S Can't wait for Valentine's Day too. =) ♥

<3 is Less Than 3

2010-01-11T13:50:00.001+08:00

My title so random LOL.

Nothing to blog about. Teddyyyyyy. ♥

Isshhhhhhhhh

2010-01-08T19:45:00.004+08:00

Unfairness. Politics. Favoritism.

Been scolded for everything head to toe already. Hard to stand. It's quite unfair I see, though some prefects try to be fair.

I can't use lens. Etc say I dye hair but I didn't.

Gotta look around before start to say people. Who else is doing the same thing? I feel so targetted. Or am I just soi?

How come whatever I do is in the spotlight? Even when I don't talk or blog about it.

Sucks when you're not a quiet student.

PS: A lot of coincidences lately. It's so weird. Like

seeing a guy you used to know a few years back for 3 times straight suddenly, at different places, i.e. Spring, steamboat, etc
finding a note in my Math book written by my senior about me HOHOHO what a huge coincidence
going with tuition with, AND SITTING BEHIND, someone I never thought and never wanted to meet

It's Hardd

2010-01-05T19:36:00.002+08:00

I miss the holidays. An understatement. Now my brain is constantly in confusion. =(

I miss sleeping till late. I miss work. I miss going out. I miss my nails. I miss seeing him. I miss being free.

Now gotta tough up and face it. =(

Please..I Need More Time.

2010-01-03T15:57:00.000+08:00

School is tomorrow, and for the first time I really, really don't want to go. Every year I moan about school but I'm always glad to go back. Sort of.

Now I'm just full of this deep regret and fear. I don't want to grow up, I don't want to face SPM, I don't want school drama, I don't want homework, I don't want to study, I don't want to wake at 6 everyday, I don't want to start my last year as a student.

This is the year, I'm in FORM5.

Tuition today was a reality shock. More tuitions to come.

Going to miss spending time with him and my friends. Need to scrub off nails and all now. Urgh.

HATE THEM FOR NOT LETTING ME GO OUT FOR ON THE LAST DAY OF HOLIDAYS.

Schoooooool Shwucks

2010-01-02T22:17:00.002+08:00

I have tuition on Sunday. Two tuitions, one in the morning, one in the evening.

I have tuition on Monday. Alone. I hate my life. No more go out.

How am I going to do my homework and all? Can die liao.

Today went to school to register. Turns out a lot of people reserved seats. A few of us were indignant. Teacher said "She'll see." So hypocrite as I am, (as we all are) we also go reserve seat.

I'm going to school at 6.10 am on Monday. I SWEAR.

Nostalgic today as I stepped into school. I guess I feel I own the school. We all do..WE'RE SENIORS!!

Hopefully we are sucked up to. I could do with some bootlicking =)

SICK.

Back To Blogging Twice A Day =D

2010-01-01T17:39:00.006+08:00

Webcammmmm! =D I am vain!!

His necklace :D

Sexy look phail

weeeeeeeeee

HAHAHAHA

LOLOLOL

webcammmm

Outpouring of Feelings

2010-01-01T15:57:00.003+08:00

It's been ages since I last poured out my feelings. I have since lost the ability to rant and still maintain the ambiguity of the person I am ranting about. Well, Happy New Year 2010 to all the readers.

It's been an awesome year, 2009, and now here I am with 2009 behind me, writing my first blog post of the year. I am also eating laksa for the first time this year.

Love is in the air. Seriously, everywhere I see. There was this breakup season where practically every long term relationship I knew of ended, but now new people are in love or got back together. LOVE IS UNPREDICTABLE. As long as we're happy, who cares?

I wish I had dyed my hair blond. I think if I did I would be chio-er than a model. HA. Now I have to wait a year before I can. I wish I had partied more, consumed more alcohol. I hate that my practical side kept me subdued for most of the holidays.

Now, with only a few days left of the holiday =(

Now it's nonstop hectic hell all the way to SPM, then to our uncertain futures. Cheers to that, because no matter what I know I'll have you all by my side .

xoxo

Truly Madly Deeply ♫

2009-12-31T18:22:00.000+08:00

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful
'Cos I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.

I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...

And when the stars are shining brightly
In the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish
Send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy
For all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded
By the comfort and protection of..
The highest power.
In lonely hours.
The tears devour you..
I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cos it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do...

I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...

I love this song ♥ Less than 6 hours till the decade ends. Hope I'll be going out for countdown.

Lens Lens Lens I Am Obsessed

2009-12-31T04:19:00.001+08:00

Another day has passed. I'm getting sick of Spring. I spend so much time there.

Keep hugging a certain bear. =) If you're reading this.

Pictures up soon. Some to entertain you guys right now. By the way (since we are jumping topic) I WANT NUDY GREY!!

PS I ROCK. With HTML codes. Do you like my new blog layout? =)

I LOVE THESE LENSES!

Him haha I love this pic

I like this picture! It's not photoshopped

Random photo with Clare in Sarah's bathroom

AND AND AND
HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE!!!!♥

I Live My Life For You

2009-12-29T02:49:00.001+08:00

The title is my current fave song. I had a pleasant afternoon today =)

Very lazy to update with photos anymore. My phone is a bit crazy some more. Life after work is like a blur of sleep and eat and go out. I don't even know what day is it anymore, except that the impending day is drawing closer with every breathe I take. The last year of school.

Wished I had continued work. I need the money, and at work I had a good self-esteem, i.e i felt liked. I'm experiencing some hurt due to my OVERLY SENSITIVE SIDE. I guess no one likes feeling left out.

School school school! Scary thought. I can't wait to get busy though. But the homework, the draggy classes, the Moral project(HAHA), Bio Peka, all the crap I didn't finish this year, will be carried over to the next year. Going to make up for my fun this year by suffering the next. The early mornings, the headaches from lack of sleep, it will be quite a hell.

SPM SPM SPM. In 11 months I will be sitting for the single most momentuous exam I have ever taken. It's just paper and ink, yet my whole life is going to be determined by it, Unless I am determined to be a garbage collector person.

Work

2009-12-25T00:57:00.000+08:00

Today was my last day of work. It was quite sad. I kept thinking, this is the last time I'll eat here, the last time I'll wear this shirt, the last time I'll iron these clothes, the last time I would hang up these clothes, the last time I would direct a customer to a fitting room, and so on.

15 minutes away from closing, I was like frantically ironing clothes because I would never iron them ever again and I just wanted to make sure these were STRAIGHT before I hung them up. OCD huh.

Met a lot of new friends. Met a lot of new guys. I must say 45% of my "guy-escapades" took place in this 3 weeks.

Heavy heart.

Lots of Love

2009-12-22T07:03:00.002+08:00

As I'm writing, I'm actually well-rested and some more, today is my third monthsary :) haha. So forgive me if this entry is all fuzzy and warm and annoying.

I have to thank him though for making these past few months totally awesome. We've had really rocky patches but we always made up. Cliche as it sounds it took a lot of dedication from him for us to go so far and get through everything together. There are still things about him that drives me crazy though *whines* .Ok enough about that I'm not public enough to blog about my relationship much.

Oh, but I wrote this post to be ABOUT my relationship. Kinda defeats the point of writing a blog post. I hate updating with short posts( might as well join Twitter). But I'm kinda busy. I had a full shift today, worked for 12 hours, and was at Boulevard for 14 freaking hours.

I'll end this with an ILY and thanx for the present darling ♥

2009-12-17T21:28:00.000+08:00

If anyone read my previous post, I take it back. xD

2009-12-12T00:46:00.000+08:00

Bimbo's back. Still freaking hate work. I guess working for a living sucks cause you'll be doing it for the rest of your life. At least school you can choose what paths you want to go for and stuff.

Busy. Tired. Sore. So yeah.

TOMORROW IS MY DAY OFF!

2009-12-07T22:46:00.001+08:00

6th day of work. Getting better?

Working in a big organisation is cool but scary. This isn't a sundry shop, it's a real huge company and I go to work by checking in with a SMARTCARD which scans my fingerprint. There are body checks and pass forms and shifts and lunch hour and stuff like that. Free food and ID tags. Stock checks and scanners. Bills and promoters. Counters and mannequins.

At first I was really stressed and wanted to quit. I'm just a wimp I guess. My feet hurt so bad. And I missed those "at home asleep" days. I would have traded a thousand just to have another month of holidays. Guess I love wasting away bored at home. Better than standing whole day(money or not).

The people are quite friendly to me now. And I know what to do more, like I know where things are kept, how to scan, how to hang clothes and mop floors and ironing. I'm no longer blur and stand at one spot and don't know what to do.

Feet still ache though. Ouchie. I work at Bloomingbelle in Boulevard Ladies Department. Maybe I might work longer? I don't know. It's kinda cool that I work in such a big-scale operation. My pay is okay cos got include free food. If you do full shift (overtime) then your pay is super high!!

Tomorrow off. Just back from Sarah's party.

Happy birthday SARAH LIM!

Lol I use red colour font! Lazy change hahahaha. Soi liao la! xD

.......Love life is a messs

First Day Of Working

2009-12-02T20:28:00.000+08:00

Had orientation, still disoriented. Got lost a lot. Thank God Churchill helped me. I have a smart card that reads my thumbprint x)

I don't do much, just stand and fold clothes and hang clothes and find clothes. But it's my first day, my feet hurt like HELL. My back aches too. Standing for hours. Ouch.

=( My holiday is so gone.

I'M EMPLOYED

2009-11-30T23:09:00.000+08:00

Newfound love for ♥Clare's blue contacts. Still, I'm ordering Super Nudy Grey from this guy online. It's going to make my iris as big as my whole eyeball :D

OK, I miss the days I was more normal than this. I finally landed my first official job. I was excited but now no more.

I can't help thinking, as I munch on keropok, as I watch lousy soaps, as I nap for gours, that this will the last time I can do that ever again.

This is the last holidays before SPM. No more waking up at 2pm. No more going out with friends.

The money isn't really that good, but what the hell, I fucking need it. I owe people like RM 66. And I need to get someone a Christmas gift ♥

It's at Boulevard, I went there, filled a form and voila I'm hired. I start work on Wednesday. I'm a sales assistant at the ladies department. Trying to rope Shelly in too.

Free lunch at their cafe, 8 hour job. Need to open an AmBank account, can only wear black slacks and black shoes. Must wear their T-shirt. Overtime sometimes. Sundays work full shift.

Blehhh. I HATE WORKING. Will miss my easy life. I'm doing this just for someone =.=

Giving up my last month of holidays just for you =(

I Still Appreciate Life

2009-11-30T00:53:00.001+08:00

Sometimes you spend so much time being realistic and cynical and not putting your hopes up to avoid pain and being indifferent, being lazy, being grown-up, that you throw away your life. Why can't we shamelessly show what we feel?

Jump with joy? Weep with sorrow? Without being judged, being criticised. Fake pretenses, phony barriers. Everyone is fake.

Sometimes I feel that I do well in my exams but I just say I did badly even though I just want to say "YES I ACED IT!!" Because if I don't do well, it'll hurt. Because then people will judge me. Criticise me. Better to shut up and pretend I flunked.

Maybe sometimes, we should just lean back and appreciate the beauty of things. Things fall apart, but they were beautiful at a point, and appreciation is the most important.

When someone means more to you than ever. When you love someone more and more everyday. When you can't be happier. When every second passes you wish you were with that person. Why ruin it all with petty unimportant things? Why care about materialism? Why care about such CRAP if you have something beautiful under your eyes?

I know it's inevitable. I mean, everyone fights with their parents. But still. We're all kinda stupid. Sighs.

TAG

2009-11-26T22:32:00.000+08:00

The Rules: Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answers to the following questions.
Post the first definition it gives you.
Then your own comment below.
Tag 5 people.

1.Your name?
- Ena

A unique flower that can only be found in the middle of the Empty Quarter, One only exist and still today it stands with beauty.

WOW.

2. Age?
Sixteen!

Most commonly referred to someone's age. It is said to be one's "Prime," age, where they look/shine/feel their best. Sixteen is the age where you get multitudes of exciting privileges such as quickie-driviers' license, get a decent job (Host/hostess,) and you're no longer at the very "bottom" of highschool.

O.O...errmmm.

3. One of your friends?
Clare!

An extremely pasty white person.

HAHAHAHAHAH CLARE SURE HAPPY

4. Favourite colour?
Pink

The New Red! Donut's favorite color.
"My armor's not pink. You guys are colorblind. It's more of a lightish red." "Guess what? They already have a color for lightish red. You know what its called? Pink!"

=.=

5. Birthplace?
Kuching

''The capital of Sarawak, Kuching is is the 4th largest urban area in Malaysia and with probably the best quality of life. It is a beautiful, green, laid-back city with non racist people (comprised of mostly Chinese, then Malays and Dayaks)- which is a like far-away dream in most parts of Malaysia. Most only 'learnt how to become' racist after staying for some time in West Malaysia. Intermarriage especially among the Chinese and Dayaks are common. Kuching has the best of both worlds - the facilities of a modern city and the strong community ties of a small town. In short, Kuching is a wonderful place to live in but a mindnumbingly boring place for tourists. ''
''Contrary to what quite a lot of West Malaysians think, Kuching people are not uneducated and 'ulu'. The fact is most Kuchingites can speak better English then them. Kuching also ranks as the no. 2 highest average household income. ''
''Most Kuchingites have the same hobby - eating. This is why there are so many kopitiams over here. Our most famous foods are the kolo mee, laksa Sarawak, kacangma and midin belacan. ''
''Kuching is developing at a very pace rapid pace and this is not neccesarily a good thing. Rising crime, traffic jams, several new malls, and more coming soon might turn Kuching into another unlivable metropolis. Currently however, crime and traffic are still much better than in other large cities in Malaysia. ''

Kuchingnites RULE MAN.

6..Month of your birth?
October

the birthstone for this month is Opal, but there is also a cheaper Rose Zicron.
and it's also the best month ever if your birthday is in it

=.=

7. Last person you talked to ?
My mom.

How the hell does the crap above this get into urbandictionary....cmon people..we need editors that actually read it..not just click and go "next".......this is ridicoulous...i submitted something that was actually real...its used around here but then this stuff gets put in

WTF..

8. One of your nicknames?
Nana

what i call my granny

this tag sucks

Tag five people:

Yin Kii
Edith
FLorr
Clare
Shel

Holidays Seem To Have Been Forever

2009-11-25T16:44:00.000+08:00

Only a week, but it feels like an eternity. But still, I love wasting away, sleeping at dawn and waking past noon.

I've been going through a rough phase, and I hope I'll get through it. =(

Blogs seem more and more emo nowadays. Hahahaha.

Why We Dislike Malaysian Politicians

2009-11-25T16:34:00.000+08:00

1. Most of them stutter.
2. Most of them can't speak English properly.
3. Most of them speak as if they are reading from a piece of paper.
4. Most of them are BLUR.
5. Most of them mumble.
6. Most of them are inept.
7. Most of them don't keep promises.
8. Most of them are corrupt.
9. Most of them aren't passionate about what they're doing.
10. Most of them will throw me in jail for dissing them HAHAHA.

Bored to Death

2009-11-21T04:21:00.000+08:00

Blahh, an update after a long while.

I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW EVEN THOUGH I AM NOT DEFORMED AND NOT STARVING AND ITS HOLIDAYS YADDA YADDA I'M NOT AN ETHIOPIAN GIRL PROSTITUTING ON THE STREETS BUT I'M JUST PMS-ING.

Ok, I am really broke. Like, in the negatives. I owe people a ton of money and I hate it I really do. I never think. If I go out and don't have enough money for something, well, the normal thing people do is say "Ooops let's do something else" but no instead I go and BORROW money wtf

Been kinda emo lately but things are picking up. But now that PMS is here life sucks again on a whole new level.

Did my hair today. I have straighter hair now :D

I hate saying no to people. Already I've rejected 3 times to go out. I WANT TO GO OUT I NEED MONEY WAAAAAAA~~~ Looking for jobs though. Any to recommend?

Every little thing pisses me off nowadays..like the way people take photos. But ain't gonna bitch about that because I also ever kenak.

OH AND I HATE BEING DELETED FROM FACEBOOK FOR NO REASON AT ALL.

That's it, week in a nutshell. Going off to bedddd~~~

♥ ♥ ♥

2009-11-13T05:15:00.000+08:00

I hate smokers. Urgh.

Been reflecting a lot lately on life.

Addicted to Tumblr. Got a few prizes recently T_T

No academic ones though.

It's 5.15 am. Going to bed!

Pissed off

2009-11-11T21:06:00.000+08:00

I'm pissed off, fucked up, fed up and just plain depressed. Crying for no reason, shit like that. Shit happens, Choral Speaking prizes won't be given one by one to the team members this Prizegivign Day.

We are the first team in 9 years to reach national level. Heck, we won third place in the nationals.

Barack Obama is the first black US president ever. Oh, let's make him move from the White House into a suburban flat.

We are not getting the appreciation we deserve. It would mean so much to us. No, it is not a small thing. IT IS A MUTHAFUCKING WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE thing.

I love Tumblr this is my link.

http://enaliewxoxo.tumblr.com/

URGH so want to bitch. Results suck, life sucks.

Songs ♫

2009-11-07T02:04:00.001+08:00

I have been digging these songs recently.

Two is Better Than One. When I'm With You. From This Moment. When You Say Nothing At All.

Random lyrics from these songs.

♥From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on

♥The smile on your face lets me know
That you need me
There's a truth in your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say nothing at all

♥Maybe it's true I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the best of my life
When you've already got me coming undone
Maybe two is better than one

♥When I'm With You
I'll make every second count
'Cause I miss you
Whenever you're not around
When I kiss you
I still get butterflies years from now
I'll make every second count
When I'm With You

Ok, coloured fonts. Little hearts. Sappy lyrics. OMG I AM SO DISGUSTING.

=)

I'm Updating Again WOOO

2009-11-07T01:54:00.000+08:00

My blog is rotting to hell and I can't save it because frankly I have not many angry topics to blog about since I'm in such a disgustingly good mood these few days.

Ok, if I were to agree with Edith then ok lah. Her mention on homosexuals. Well, she's right. What right do we have to debate about whether or not these law-abiding, normal, respectable people do with their personal lives? I can't stand all the anti-gay sentiments. My class is surprisingly gay-tolerant though. Hoorays for 4Sc1.

Watching videos at clicknetwork.tv and reading blogs and facebooking. It's pretty boring, but I guess I'm going KBox tomorrow.

Top 10 Websites I Go To

1. Xiaxue! I love her.

2. Kenny Sia. Another fave blogger.

3. fmylife.com laughing at people with sucky lives.

4. mlia HAHA no life even worse ok.

5. Listverse. I LOVE THIS SITE! I LOVE LISTS!

6. fourfeetnine.com

7. sweatlee.com

8. clicknetwork HAHA funny videos!

9. cheesie! I really adore her.

10. Ok, the blogs I stalk. It's creepy so I won't reveal whose blog I stalk. HAHA there are 3 girls whose blog I stalk. I LOOOVE stalking girls who are happily in a relationship, cause their happiness is infectious.

Interact Installation

2009-11-02T23:58:00.001+08:00

I'm way too lazy to upload any pictures but it was a great weekend anyhow. I dressed up as a playboy bunny. My mum DIY-ed the choker and ears and everything. Shelly had to poser my dress =.=

Clare and Florr went as devils. Rawrr. I got Florr red fishnet gloves that she wore. We were very picturesque. Everyone else looked really pretty!

Still i was a little in my own world and pretty blind to my surroundings xP probably because of my company =)

This is a short post because I am impatient to get in my room and take off my bloody contacts (i mean that figuratively)!

Loved the Darrens singing. Loved Sam's dancing. The only thing I didn't like was the temperature. It was really freaking cold in there.

Love the lighting in the Sarawak Club washroom! Camwhored a lot. Pictures all on Facebook. If you aren't a friend of mine on Facebook, then you should be. Just mention my blog and you'll be my face friend xD

It's a Nice Life

2009-10-30T14:21:00.002+08:00

Being optimistic now? Haha. I do think that teenage years are the most beautiful time in someone's life, when dreams are still growing, and we're still being moulded to determine what we want to do in life.

The speech today reaffirmed my wish to do something special at least once in my life. I don't want to just study study work work marry marry die die.

I want to backpack across Europe. I want to volunteer as a social worker in a poor country. I want to sail across the world for eight months. I want to climb a mountain. I want to explore a jungle.

I'm lucky to have a choice. At least I'm not a dying leper at the side of the street. I have a house. I'm not a victim of sexual abuse. I'm not a fugitive of war. I'm not leading a totally miserable life as say, a Pakistani woman being stoned to death.

Anyhow, I skipped the Safari Membaca. Dorea informed me that on a scale of 1 to 10, it was a 10 for boredom. I have no patience for this kind of thing.

Bla bla, can improve English I also know. But really betahan la. I mean, by the time someone reads a paragraph aloud I would have finished the page. That's why i always talk and not write. Cause faster haha. Some more it's a story everyone know the ending already.

Addicted to Faber Drive's "When I'm With You". It's nice =)

When I'm with you, I'll make every second count 'cause I miss you, whenever you're not around. ♥

Beyond Control

2009-10-28T13:36:00.001+08:00

Haven't been blogging.

Feel likes my whole life's screwed. Everything pretty much spiralling down a black bottomless pit of despair.

A failure.

A loser.

Whatever you all say.

Trying to make me feel better by comparing you to me.

It only makes me worse.

Because I'm not you guys.

I love♥ you all.

But I'm just too embarrassed to show my face anymore.

Died.

2009-10-26T14:49:00.000+08:00

A teacher told me today that my blog was very popular in Lodge and they they always spam my blog =.=

Been such a failure lately. Everything is so screwed up. I found my dress, and am going as playboy bunny.

I flunked my exams really really badly, I superglued my phone horribly, and I am literally dying from lack of money.

Depressed sounding? Well, I am. Tonight I have a mooting dinner with some Menteri who will re-give us the prizes. Normally I like dinners but this one must wear uniform.

I am such a psychotic bitch lately. Either I snap people's heads off or go into uncontrollable bouts of anger or just get moody and loser emo. It's PMS. You see, I get PMS like 2 weeks before my period. I only have 1 week every month where I am pain-free, and PMS-free. I hate PMS.

Have been crying buckets lately. I'm sure all my teachers especially Cikgu Lesmy are freaked out by my tears.

Went out last night.

And the night before to Bing's. Here to know.

Tata wish me luck to face my humiliation of failing miserably.

♥I become BIMBO♥

2009-10-25T06:26:00.001+08:00

Been wondering whether I should delete my blog. Have been going out recently. Went out with John, Alex, Francis, Tan Sri and Shel. Freaking weird la those people. We were all squashed in a Kancil.

Being in love is a nice feeling =)

Being hungry is not =(

I slept over at Shel's and then purchased a dress with Linda. Like I said, really busy until can't blog or do my Chemistry Peka. So busy that I can't even make proper sentences.

♥ in the first degree.

Choral Speaking...JOIN!!!

2009-10-22T18:56:00.001+08:00

From Choral Speaking I've gotten:

Free trip to Melaka
Tons of experience
Better pronounciation and enunciation xD
How to unite as one voice =)
Seeing all my friends with their hair up HAHA
2 free T-shirts
A free cap
TONS of free food from school, government and datuks
Performing for VIPs

So join while you can =) I'm gonna miss Choral Speaking 2009. We went all the way, we gave it our best, we had a splendid last performance, and this is something that I'll keep in my heart forever. Plus the script is like in my blood now, I know when to move without trying.

Exams over weeeeee~~. Gonna go KBOX, watch at MBO, and eat A LOT. Loves x)

IT'S OVER!

2009-10-19T21:35:00.000+08:00

I never truly appreciated the FREEDOM to go home and nap and watch TV. For the past 3 months I've been going really stressed, always calculating and running facts through my brain, beating myself up if I forget and hating myself if I wasted time, going home only to a book and haven't been eating or sleeping and generally just keep stressing and worrying and crying. Now so FREAKING Free!!!

Life has its ups and downs. There have been downs..but generally this whole year has been one big up! I've got my friends, my love and I can say I did a LOT of things this year! From totally reinventing my image, to being a mirror-obsessed freak, to running up and down from Hall and Bilik Sumber for Robotics/Debate(I miss Sharon and Dorea), Gold Coast(miss it!), being the assistant class monitor(never thought I'd see the day), escaped another year without getting my phone confiscated, and so on and so forth. Failed for the first time too :( but I still can catch up I hope. I do get the gist, I just don't have the time.

Speaking of time, nehnehnehneh we FINISH liao! But you people baru start exam :D haha sure hate me now.

Today Steph said that since next year will be a non-stop hard year, we should make use of this time. Only this time, to have fun in our school life while we still can. This is the last end-of-the-year hols before we finish Form 5 next year. Wah, only last year PMR, now this year is almost over and next year SPM T__T I'm still not used to being in Form 4 already Form 5 liao.

Well, I was thinking, yea we should benefit from these holidays before nest year starts. SO, how should I spend it? So there are no regrets?

1. Go clubbing
2. Get a piercing (I'm talking about a body piercing!)
3. Grow my hair long (wtf boring way to spend holidays)
4. Go crazy wild
5. Spend time at shady places I've never been :D

The To-Do List of a potential budak jahat liao.

Ena's Gone Emo

2009-10-18T01:35:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I think, I spend my whole life just trying to prove myself to people. And then I look back, and I wonder what I have achieved in my 16 years?

I've never been pretty, never been popular. Never been talented, never been artistic, or musical, or a boy magnet or anything.

All I've got is academic excellence, which I don't even call brains because it's not really brains. And now, I feel like everything I've worked hard for my whole life is going down the drain.

It's all my own fault, I've never paid attention, but now I feel like I've let myself and everyone down.

This year, no awards, no prizes. No nothing. People will be looking DOWN on me. I used to be smart, now look at me, all DUMBED DOWN.

Everything I have is falling apart. All I have that makes me feel like I am not a complete waste of space, it's all going away, and when that's all gone, I'm just going to be an unsignificant, unimportant blip in this world, with no credit and no achievement to my name.

I am a failure.

So sad now

2009-10-16T17:07:00.000+08:00

So depressed. I am a failure to society. Cried a lot. Do tag for fun.

01. Do you love anyone?
Got la. I love my friends and my family and so on and so forth..

02. How long do you intend to wait someone you really love?
As long as it will take if I really love him

03. If the person you like is already attached, what will you do?
Wait till they break up? Or move on..

04. If you had a choice, what family would you wish to be born in?
A very rich and considerate family haha

05. Is it fun being tagged?
Yea.

06. What's the 1st thing you do when you wake up?
Check my phone or go back to sleep.

07. What type of friends do you like?
Those who are fun and reliable.

08. What type of people do you dislike?
People who backstab or like to nag too much.

09. If your lover betray you, what will your reaction be?
I would be devastated.

10. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
Gotta depend on who the two are.

11. Is it more blessed to be loved or to love someone?
To love. Trust me. So much better.

12. Who is the most important person to you?
Hard to say.

13. Would you like to stead with the guy you like?
What's stead??

14. Would you do anything to get the person you like's attention?
Yea..but I would do it subtly la.

15. What will you do if your best friend stead with the guy you liked?
I don't know what's stead!!

16. What will you do if he knows you adore him?
Be very embarassed.

17. Would you wish to go to school everyday ?
kill me 1st .. =.=

18. If you had a dream come true, what will it be?
I get weird dreams like fighting aliens etc

19. Are you confused about what lies ahead of you?
Yes..I wonder what lies ahead.

20. Would you give all in a relationship?
Yea..I would try.

21. What have you been doing these days?
Studying, dying, hanging out

22. Has anyone hated you before?
Yes obviously!

23. What makes you cry today?
Failing Add Maths.

24. Do you think you are pretty?
I think I've been looking better recently. But no, not pretty.

25. Have you enjoyed your holiday?
Any holiday is a good holiday.

26. What makes you feel lost?
Being abandoned.

27.What changes you?
Grief? Love? Etc

28. What if your friend commits suicide?
Stupid question..

29. Money & friends, which is more important?
=.= friends of course

30. If no one seems to care for you, what will you do?
Might as well go die then. Why this tag so emo 1??

31. Did you hurt yourself now?
I don' t get your grammar.

32. What feelings are you having now?
Very depressed.

33. What is your favourite pastime?
Lalalalalalalala.

34. If you hated someone, what will you do?
=.= if he don't hurt me i won't hurt him.

35. Have you considered loving someone?
Considered?!

36. Who makes you happy when you need some comfort?
Miss Susie just messaged me!!! (not answering this question)

37. Are you treasuring yourself?
Nothing to treasure

38. Skipped.
I am so blur now.

39. Name a friend who's name is started "S".
Shelly and Sandra.

40. Who do you trust the most?
It's hard to say.

41. What is the last song you heard?
If I Were A Boy just played.

42. What is the last thing you put in mouth?
Mineral water ..Free!!! from Mr Teo

43. A random person yells at you "Aybaybay", what's your reaction?
I would go WTF

44. What's irritating you at this moment?
I am smelly and haven't bathed

45. Do you curse anyone?
Yes! I curse you!!

46. Last time you took a plane, where was it to?
Kuching? Hahaha

47. Do someone love you?
I would hope so.

48. What's the last thing you bought?
A burger. Before the mineral water.

49. Have you ever cried on your friend's shoulder?
=.= umm...

50. Have you hugged opposite gender before?
Yea.

I tag

Shelly
Adrian
Yin Kii
Kevin
Edith
Clare
Umm, anyone can also:)

Sweet Sixteen =)

2009-10-15T23:17:00.000+08:00

Thank you all for the multitude of birthday wishes. It's 16th October and 3 days past my birthday, which was so historical that even my History exam was on it.

Thanks to all of you, now let me name the top 50, Gwen, Shelly, Linda, Kee Fung, Alex, Jack, Shahrin, Yin Kii, Justin, Ben, Florence, Clare, Sharon, NERINE, Ahmad, Francis, Him, Patrick, Yung Hui, Luke, Derek, Karen, Pn Rashidah!!, Desmond, Chris, Caniddia, Agas, San, Kiki, Pei San, Dorea, Weiwei, Vyner, Daniel, Wilson, Ping, Arthur, Frederick, Aldwin, Leonard, Darren, Adrian Soon, and Baxter.

I'm not sure it's really 50, but still, thanks! 1 year older, 1 more wrinkle. 16 now, that sounds so old. Sweet Sixteen =)

I'm very touched that you all remembered my birthday, it felt like my 13th birthday again where a lot of people wished me. It was exams but my 4Sc1 peeps all sang me a song. Awww-ness. And all the Facebook wishes totally rock.

I love the Breadou keychain from Dorea, I just finished the chocolate bar frm Weiwei, and I adore Kee Fung's present! Thanks to you guys so much.

I love you all, because I am officially sixteen and you're all here for me =)

Sweet 16 is....

Sweet 16 is the time in life

Where girls fall in love

And dream of being wives

Sweet 16 is the time of year

Where friends and family

Come together to joy and cheer

Sweet 16 is a time of change

When driving begins

With the starting age

Sweet 16 is the time of love

First kisses, dances

And new romances

Sweet 16 is the moment of truth

When girls mature

From their childish youths

Sweet 16 is an important day

When a special girl celebrates

Her coming of age

Happy birthday to me :)

I'm Not Lucky

2009-10-15T23:13:00.000+08:00

Sometimes just when you think you have everyhing, and for once life is going your way, you realize it's all a cruel joke, and you wish you were back to the you you were before it all happened. Not talking about exam here.

I'm not lucky. Life isn't perfect after all. It never was, and it never will be.

Having an empty life....sucks. Once you've felt it, just once, and it's taken away, it leaves a hole forever. (Not dirty meaning.)A void which has to be filled. A space in your heart that you feel acutely, but was never there before.

Moral tomorrow.

Just to Show You I'm Alive

2009-10-14T22:14:00.000+08:00

Exam. Chemistry tomorrow. Die. Flunked everything. BM, Add Math, Sej, ENGLISH.

I will die.

1 more week.

Love u.

I Hate Nerds!

2009-10-04T22:20:00.000+08:00

I cannot stand people who are against a particular style of clothing or whatever. Like people who despise emo, or goth style.It's ok to cringe if you think that that person is a fashion victim in her outfit. The lesson you can get? Don't dress like that.

But saying "I hate people who dress emo" is really retarded la. Why don't you say I hate black people? Racist right. Why don't you say I hate fat people? Sensitive right. Why don't you say I hate people who wear hoop earrings?

You can hate dark skin, hate body fat, hate hoop earrings, but why do you hate people who have them? If you hate people who dress slobby, ok la. It shows their attitude that they don't care about their appearance. But if someone likes their style and you don't, should you also hate that person?

In my case, it's those ah lien haters. I don't know if I'm classified as ah lien as my hair is dark an I use minimal makeup i.e. no eyeshadow or foundation anf I'm normally in shorts and a top instead of fishnet stockings or whatever. I suppose I pose ah lien in pictures.

this ena liew is CLASSIC, she's a wannabe ah lien. ohmygod, who wants to be ah lien? oh wait...that ena liew. -.-

Who wants to be an ah lien? I do!! Ah liens make bold fashion statements and are loud and not timid and shy like society's norms for women. They are vain, meaning they take care of how they look. They are aware of the stares, but they want to be different. Just like some people dye their hair blue or green!

There are negative attitude perceptions associated with ah liens of course. Smokers, swearers, slutty, bimbo. Bla bla. Just like how emo people are considered suicidal.

So if you wear umm, say green ah lien eyeshadow, you're a bimbo.

If you wear black, you're suicidal.

Ohhhhkay.

I acknowledge that most ah liens we see at kaki lima and all are rude and brash and vulgar. But I still respect their fashion sense all the same rofl.

But if you judge ME as a bimbo
just because I pose for pictures at an angle, then you yourself is as shallow as
an ah lien for judging people.

If I see a girl online who says she applies her eyeliner from out to in instead of in to out... can I say she's noob and therefore must be ugly as she uses makeup wrong?
I hate insects. If I hear of a guy who eats insects, do I say I hate that guy like shit?

Nope. I don't. So the line "I hate ah liens!" is one of the stupidest things someone could ever say.

Is Paris Hilton an ah lien? Yep. Do I wanna be her? Hell yes.

Am I a bimbo because I like to camwhore when I look good? Well, let me be cocky too. Facts are I am a straight A student and I'm a magazine sub editor and I'm on a team that won a trip to Austalia. Ok? Bimbo enough?

Sure the way I pose can be a source of your dislike. Just like I dislike glasses.

Let me be Girl A. Girl A hates ah liens. She sees me. This is the sequence
of thoughts in her brain:

"Ena poses vainly. Therefore she is ah lien and a bimbo. I hate ah liens.
Therefore I dislike her."

Another circumstance:

"Girl A wears glasses. Therefore she is a nerd and boring. I hate nerds.
Therefore I dislike her."

Kinda unreasonable la? Hmmmm.. I hate nerds could be the next I hate ah lien.

That's all, I'm gonna retire from blogging till the 19 th. I'm 15 and 266 days today!!

Update:

I'm not accusing anyone of wearing glasses as a nerd. I hate discrimination the most, and I sure as hell don't want to stoop there. Anyway, I wear glasses too.

Anyhow, an ah lien is indeed a rude, brash, boldly dressed and uneducated girl by definition. I like their fashion sense (coloured skinnies, wedges) but not their attitude problems. Still, if you want to classify someone as an ah lien in an insulting context, at least get to know the way she behaves and walks first.

I'm pretty lifeless to go blog about someone who insulted me actually =.= but I don't delete posts so I admit it's pretty stupid to blog about you.

But looking at a random person's pictures on the internet and immediately insulting and judging someone is equally bad. It was just me, not me doing anything really horrible like in a very slutty outfit or smoking. Plus, I was a total stranger.

Anyhow, since you apologised, I'm gonna apologise too if I insulted you back too, which is pretty immature.

Curse of the Retard

2009-10-02T21:53:00.000+08:00

Lo and behold, my stalker is still here. Every now and then, the Freak stops by to leave a dirty comment which sadly just reflects on Freak's sad, pathetic existence. Undoubtedly, this Freak is a piece of "sampah masyarakat".

Capital L Loser

For one, this is my blog. I can blog as much about you as I want.

But you? Oh Freak, don't think you have the right to comment on my blog as you want. Isn't it pathetic? Your face is so thick man, people already ask you to leave yet you still stay here..just shows that you're the kind of Freak who has no life, no friends, no hobby, and was born for no reason.

Anyhow you desperado, I understand your fixation on me. After all I'm way prettier than you. How do I know I'm prettier than you?

Well, if you were better-looking than me, then you would be out with your friends. Your parents and teachers would love you. But sadly, you are so ugly that you have no friends and your parents hate you so you have nothing to do but insult me.

To be honest, sorry but you're fugly

There are only three reasons why you would choose to devote your time and energy to me:

You are jealous of my looks, my life, my friends.
You worship me, you are obsessed with me.
You're bored and dumb and have nothing to do because you have no life.

Guess what you fugly freak? Get your dirty minded lifeless ass off my blog. Please don't siasoi yourself anymore lah. Get a life, get a blog, get your own friends.

You really need a life. If you want to be friends, you can email me la. I'm sympathetic towards freaks like you.

If you got a problem with me or my attitude, tell me to my face. But stupid bitch comments which don't even make sense? Shows your OWN attitude problem. AFRAID OF ME is it?

Admit it, you're jealous of me, hence you sanggup insult me. I'm honoured and all. Do you realize all the world can see is YOUR weird comments on MY blog? All you are is a bunch of insignificant retarded comments on Miss Ena Liew's blog.

For God's sake you post ANONYMOUS COWARD HATE MAIL on my Cbox. Sounds smart much? You got the FREEDOM TO BITCH, but bitch to my face can? Anonymous lame names just proves your worthlessness. Anyhow,

Unless you have something nice to say,keep
your damn mouth shut.

Devote all your time to me is up to you, but at the end of the day, it's my blog and you better apologise. Remember to say sorry you psycho and cry a bit then I will forgive you.

Comment some more, I will delete. HA! My blog, my rights. Fuck off you retard. XOXO

Oh and if you don't like my blog, no need read. Why come back and keep reading? Just go home and cry you coward. HAHA.

After Being MIA

2009-09-29T14:04:00.001+08:00

Haven't been blogging for ages. Really busy. I had fun at The Choral Speaking Dinner!

We spammed the suggestion box today. I can no longer stand the pesky insects that are NOT conducive to our learning at all. In fact, the classroom is no longer comfortable.

I had fun photoshopping my photos. Here are examples:

BOOBS

Shel and I in Malacca

Anyway, exam is really soon. Some people are pissed that just for an extra thousand, (Choral Speaking performance), the school is lengthening the exam time. Since I love Choral Spekaing I don't mind, but a long exam sucks.

Been very vain lately too. Very tired and never going to finish my studying =(

A random opinion. Clare and I are different in that she like the natural look while I prefer looking obvious. Natural means you can look beautiful because you were born that way and didn't try at all. But I like looking like I tried my best to look good, I put in an effort and a lot of time and energy in my appearance.

My new obsession: Growing out my hair and a nose job xD

So tired that can't even form complete sentences. Exam and birthday clashes =(

:)

2009-09-24T22:23:00.000+08:00

I promised I wouldn't blog but here I am. Haha I just set up a new blog on tumblr. I love tumblr, all the blogs are so beautiful.

Sometimes I think it's a small world :) and time passes too fast.

I hate mitosis a lot :)

I'm smiling because it's annoying :)

And because I'm actually crying inside :)

LOL that was a joke. Can you expect me to cry when I look like this?

Adrian says I look like a fishball :)

Each day is a new canvas to paint upon. Make sure your picture is full of life and happiness, and at the end of the day you don't look at it and wish you had painted something different.

I Have No Title For This

2009-09-24T00:16:00.000+08:00

My computer can go die already. It keeps restarting by itself.

I can go die already. I wish I could restart everything.

Firstly, I haven't been studying. It's freaking 2 weeks from my finals. I've been going out a lot. I love putting on makeup and going shopping. Especially since half the population of school has been going to Spring. I'm serious, it's now like my 2nd home.

Apart from that, me and my heart got issues. Wait, me and my fucking brain has issues. My phone has issues. My PC has issues.

I want to die already. I hate my PC. I hate my phone. I hate that I am broke. I hate that I am short. I hate that I lost my IC. I hate that my exams are near. I hate Blogger.

I hate myself. I only hurt others and I am selfish. I don't know why I'm here, hurting people who don't deserve to be hurt.

I know I'm emo. I know emo people are hell annoying an dshould go jump off a building. I know I haven't been blogging a lot. I know it's stupid that you finally get what you've always wanted, but then realize you never wanted it at all, and now there's no way to turn back.

It's like I've wanted boob implants all my life and when I get them, I don't want them anymore. But in that case, should I rip off my implants it would only hurt myself. Not others.

On a lighter note, I am goign to revamp my style. I am only going to wear feminine dresses from now on. By the way, visit this blogshop, cheap and NICE.

Wish me luck for exams! Will blog more soon. Love you all. (As you can see,without anger, sarcasm, political venting, bitching or camwhoring, I am pretty boring.)

xoxo
Ena

Bo Liao Blog Post

2009-09-20T02:18:00.000+08:00

I'm bored and it's morning and I have exams but I'm sitting in front of the computer and NOT STUDYING WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME HUH!!!

THIS IS THE FREAKING FINALS FOR GODS' SAKE!!

Apart from that, I paling hate people who don't want to ID themselves on Facebook or whatshit. Guess who I am? Guess la. I am human la. Bla bla.

Go suck my balls you fuckface. I no time to play around guessing with you. I only do that with CUTE guys?! You don't want ID yourself is it? Then stop bothering me. I block you, because I can. HAHAHAHA.

Okay, that aside, I want to blog about something totally random. You know sometimes I don't know why others like to give people a hard time because of their bodies. I bet some people are just jealous that others have the discipline to diet and they don't. Even if it's unhealthy so? Which leads me to, I don't feel that anorexia or bullimia is such a huge problem.

True, it endangers the health of young teenage girls. But like Britney, she says she throws up because it makes her feel better about herself. It's not good la, obviously.

But what about smoking le? It is also a form of self-harming what. Smoking even worse okay. Lemme tell you why.

Bullimia/Anorexia:

A good way to lose weight (haha)
Can look better
Free
Can make teens feel better after binging or feeling fat or whatsoever
Something that makes teens feel in control

Smoking:

Makes you stink and look yellow
Expensive
Mahuan
Health effects way worse
The smoke can harm others not just yourself
Is an eyesore as it is committed in public

But both not good for health. Don't try this at home.HAHA.

Had a Fun Day

2009-09-19T22:48:00.001+08:00

Exam is 18 days away and here I am, haven't even started opening the books. This is the FINALS. Normally I would be hard at work. Sobs.

Nevertheless, had a fun day today. Leo Orientation at Swinburne was fun, it was very interactive and we sang a lot. Shelly and I proceeded to inflict psychological damage to some of the unfortunate poor fellows around. We then walked to Spring, our whole group, Leos from our school and St Jo's and others. It was a good orientation, I loved it. I was dressed in appropriately though.

We purchased tickets for "Where Got Ghost", only Shelly and I as Clare and Linda had tuition. We chose couple seats. There were a few couples around, Amanda and hers and Danielle and hers. I wish he was there.

Sorry but I would willingly trade Shelly for him. Shelly was so freaking les to me all along! She was holding me in ways that I didn't think was normal. She was so horrified by the horror movie that she screamed my eardrums out. It was s super lame! It wasn't even scary!! Immanuel who was sitting in front of us was laughing at us. I never want to go MBO again. All your fault Shelly!

After that we walked around and sat here and there gossiping about this and that. Saw a lot of people today seriously, but we were PALAT-ed by Fred and Wong. I can't wait to go again.

After exam, when KBox is open. Salivating now. KARAOKE MAN!!!! WORDS ON A SCREEN TO SING ALONG!!!

No pictures today because I look fugly.

A Petty Post

2009-09-16T23:40:00.000+08:00

I am not a constructive criticism person.

In fact, I am a go-fuck-yourself-if-you-dare-disgrace-my-beautiful-and-divine-self person.

Which means, I AM PRETTY. I AM SMART. I AM PERFECT. MY FRIENDS ARE PERFECT. Unless I say so with my divine right to make everything MY WAY because this is MY BLOG.

So, yeah, keep your opinions to yourself bitch, nobody's here to listen to you, remember this is my blog? People flock here to read raptly everything I choose to write here. Please do not poser my friends' names again you retarded lifeless stalker. If you nothing better to do other than stalk me, then I can only advice you to purchase a vibrator to spice up your mediocre life in which you are so obviously jealous of my beautiful appearance (TAKE THAT!)

Ok, I am not that vain la. Haha but I am pretty sure this stalker ain't no beauty queen. Preferably the kind who used to be a male but got his male organ chopped off in Thailand by a sicko mom and a daughter-raping dad.

So Miss Stalker, please la, grow a cibai, or go get a dick implant.

Can find me after school if you want if you're who I think you are.

What is Wrong with ME?

2009-09-15T20:14:00.000+08:00

Grrrrrrr I do have a few problems la. I feel so gnawed by guilt right now.

First off, I insulted the wrong person. Worse, this person has always been nice to me. I mean, she is reasonable and nice, I'm her friend yet I go and post stuff up which just shows I didn't appreciate it. Feel bad.

Secondly, I love Mdm E. HAHAHA and I love Mr T too. Can't wait for the dinner :)

Thirdly, I take no offence at anything!! I am so full of guilt now :(

Might as well go die T.T

Ok, now that is a bit emo/annoying...

Standing Up For My Rights

2009-09-14T21:34:00.000+08:00

I have never felt prettier in my life. I was a wreck a few months ago but now (I don't care if I sound vain, I know got people prettier, but on my standards I am chio), I have really high self confidence.

I don't care what you think, I think I'm pretty

Scary ah lian pose

I am super fair here!

There are 5o more HAHA.

No prefects will take that away. Take away my feeling good about myself.

Saying you cannot wear black lenses is really illogical.

My iris is black. I am Asian. My iris is black. It always has been. I am not changing my iris's colour. I am merely enlarging my iris.

If enlarge size also cannot, then go catch the girls who wear push up bras. Enlarge cannot ba.

I am not changing my appearance in any way. I am not wearing blue contacts or anything. I am not painting my nails.

Why can't I wear black contact lenses? That's equivalent to saying:

I dyed my hair black yesterday. So you demerit me because I dyed my hair.

And how come, some people can wear them and have for years and I can't? Because my eyes are small and therefore it gets obvious?

Well, anyhow, my iris is black, my lens are black, so you can't prove that I'm actually wearing them. So if you're a prefect reading this, I gotta say:

Don't believe everything you read on the internet.

The cute bird from Up(we went to MBO yesterday)